Twenty Years

Twenty years ago today, on June 6, 1992, Eric and I got married. I should probably start with how we met. It was in January of 1990 in the lingerie department at JC Penney in Rochester, MN. Yes, you read it right: We met in the lingerie department. I could stop there and let your imagination run wild, but I'll explain. I was living in Rochester and working a temporary job in the mortgage company where my sister, Kathy worked. On the same floor of the building, but working for a different company, was a guy named Scott. Our receptionist wanted to set me up with Scott. Scott told her that he had a girlfriend, but told me he had a brother that was my age. I heard about this brother for months, but never met him. One day, several months later, after my temp job had ended, I stopped by the office to go to lunch with Kathy. I ran into Scott and he asked where I was working. I told him I was at JC Penney. A few nights later when I was working, in walked Scott with the brother I'd heard about. So that is how I met Eric in the lingerie department. I will be totally honest and tell you that when I went home from work that night, I told my roommate that I'd finally met Eric. I went on to say that I was sure we had nothing in common, but if he asked me out, I'd go because it would be a free night out. (Of course I now like to say that I've been paying ever since!) Eric came back into Penney's a few days later and basically asked me out in front of my boss and the store manager. He didn't know who they were and I pretty much just quickly said yes to get rid of him before I got in trouble with my boss.

On our first date, Eric picked me up in his dad's car. We went out for a drink and in talking with him, I found that we had more in common than I thought. We also went to Silver Lake to feed the geese, but they were afraid of us. On our second date he brought his own car. Apparently he didn't feel a need to impress me any more! He drove a little orange, poorly running Datsun, that my roommate and I quickly dubbed The Pumpkin Car. We joked about how that whole car could fit on the hood of the LTD II that I drove. This morning I was looking through things from our wedding and came across some things from when we dated. I found a bar napkin with directions to his parents house. I vaguely remember him giving that to me and inviting me to a party he was throwing when his parents were out of town.

After about a year and a half of dating, Eric proposed. We had talked about marriage and I had told him that if he proposed, I wanted him to have a ring when he popped the question. But he also knew I'd want to help pick out the ring. So on Labor Day weekend of 1991, he pulled out a ring and asked me to marry him. He quickly explained that this was "A ring" not "THE ring". He had borrowed a cubic zirconium ring from his sister in law, Noreen so that he "A ring". After I said yes, I asked if I had to actually wear that ring! He said no and we quickly went shopping for "THE ring." After we got the real ring, we went down by the Mississippi River in St. Paul and he proposed to me as a thunderstorm was rolling in. Our families were happy for us, and no one was surprised that we'd gotten engaged.

In looking through things this morning, I found a little swatch of fabric that Mother had sent me of the outfit she found to wear to our wedding. I also found the handkerchief she gave me to carry on my wedding day. It now has a few fresh tears on it. One of the most precious things I found was a letter that Mother gave me on the morning of my wedding day. In it she told me how much she and Daddy loved me and how proud of me they were. She told me that they were so happy for Eric and I and wished us many years of love, health and happiness. The letter also talked about how pleased they were with the young man I was marrying and how they felt they were giving him one of their best. This letter could have something to do with the fresh tears on the handkerchief.

Caledonia is a small town and 20 years ago, the only place to stay was the Crest Motel. It was nothing fancy, but it was adequate for the wedding guests. The only problem was that the farmer directly behind the motel decided to empty his slurry tank just before our wedding weekend. For those not familiar with farming, the slurry tank holds liquid manure and when it is emptied, the smell is undeniable. I found it funny that Eric brought his tux out to my parents' farm so that it wouldn't smell like manure. All these years later, people still talk about the smell at the motel.

When I left the farm for the wedding, I dropped something as I was getting in the car. I hadn't gotten far up the road when I realized I had dropped it (although today I don't remember what it even was). I quickly turned around and drove back in the driveway. As I pulled up to the house, I saw Daddy standing there. I jumped out of the car and said, "I changed my mind!" He never missed a beat and replied, "You'd be a damn fool if you did!" I guess he approved of Eric!

I had both Mother and Daddy walk me down the aisle. As I think back now, I wonder if anyone walked my mom down the aisle on her wedding day. Her parents were both gone by then. I wish I had asked her. Maybe one of my siblings will know.

Our wedding was at St. John's in Caledonia. It was a very traditional wedding in a WELS church. The word "obey" was in my vows. I didn't actually have to say the word, just agree to it. I tell people that I crossed my fingers when I said yes to that, so it doesn't count. The wedding went smoothly and we were soon husband and wife. We were then off to Good Times for our reception. We still frequent Good Times when we are down that way, but I don't think I've been in the basement portion since our reception.

Twenty years seems like a long time. The time does fly past. I'm sure it didn't seem to Mother and Daddy that they could have really been married for 63 years. I don't really remember celebrating their 25th anniversary as I was pretty little, but there is a picture to prove we did. I remember we had a party for them on their 40th. As their 50th anniversary was approaching, I remember my dad making comments about himself not making it that long. (This was nothing new for my dad to talk like that.) My mom told him that he better be there, because she was planning to make it! For their 50th, all Mother and Daddy wanted was for all of us to go with them to church and then go back to the farm for a meal together.

My mom wrote each of us (including grand kids and sons and daughters in law) a beautiful letter that she gave us on their golden anniversary. I found both mine and Eric's today. I smiled when I read Eric's. My mom told him they couldn't have asked for a better son-in-law. She said they considered him more son than in law. How very sweet and also true. I always teased them that they loved Eric more than they loved me. (Another blog entry for another day.) In my letter, my mom told me again how much she loved Eric and me and how she knew they could count on us for anything. She also mentioned something that I didn't remember being in the letter. She wrote about that day when I was little and went upstairs in the morning looking for her and she was in the bed next to mine. I wrote the poem "Mama's Gone" about that experience. I'm not sure I saw much more of what was in the letter after I read that. The tears were clouding my vision a little. Eric and I didn't have any of our kids yet when Mother and Daddy celebrated their 50th. But when each of them was born, Grandma sent them each their own special letter. What treasures they are now.  

I learned a lot about marriage by watching my parents. They loved each other and it showed. They rarely had the chance to be alone with all of us kids around. They didn't give each other extravagant gifts. But they took their vows seriously. They experienced better and worse. They experienced sickness and health. They experienced richer and poorer. But the true richness they had was a love for each other. A love that never ended. One of the things that my mom said to me on her last day was, "I love him." When I asked who, she said, "Daddy". (They called each other Mama and Daddy most of the time.) I told her that he loved her too and she said, "I know he did." I told her that he still did and that he was just loving her from Heaven now. In those hours before her death, she was thinking of the love of her life. I'm pretty certain that he was waiting for her to join him so he could show her all the glory of Heaven.

I just looked back at the letter my mom gave me on their 50^th anniversary. She ended it by saying that Daddy had given her a Christmas card the year before they got married. After all those years, she still remembered the verse and said it expressed her love for her family:

I love you Dear

I always will

With a love that faileth never.
I wish you everything that’s best.

Today Dear and forever.

That was the way they lived their marriage, with an ever enduring love for one another and for their family. May we all love like that.

My parents were right that I chose a nice young man for my husband. We have experienced some of life's greatest joys together. We've also experienced great heartaches together. But the key is that we've experienced them together. Even on the days when we drive each other crazy, we know that together is where we are happiest. I am glad that I was only joking when I told my dad that I'd changed my mind about marrying Eric. Because my dad was right: I would have been a damn fool if I had. Happy 20^th Anniversary to the love of my life, Eric.

And since I mentioned in an earlier blog post that we got married on my sister, Linda’s 40^th birthday, I have to add one more thing.  Happy 60^th Birthday Linda!