Growing up, I went to St. John’s Lutheran Church in Caledonia. There, as students were confirmed, each chose or was assigned a bible verse. My verse was John 15:5 "I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing."
As each of his grandchildren were confirmed, my dad started a new tradition. He would make a beautiful wooden plaque with a cross on it. He then would have the local jeweler engrave their confirmation verse on a thin piece of metal and attach it to the plaque. As my dad got older, he knew it was unlikely that he would live to see all his grandchildren confirmed. Still, he wanted the tradition to continue, so he made sure that he had enough wooden plaques made ahead of time. He told my mom that if he died first, she needed to get the verses engraved on the plaques and make sure they were given to the grandkids on their confirmation days.
After my dad died, my mom told me many times that I needed to have my kids pick their confirmation verses. I mentioned it to Danielle, but it seemed much too soon to expect Lauren and Evan to pick theirs. Every time I saw Mother, she would ask me if they had picked their verses yet. In Early 2011, Danielle found the verse that she liked. It is Psalm 55:22 “Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall."
I received an e-mail from Jo one day that the local jeweler was retiring so I should make sure Evan and Lauren picked their verses as well. When I asked Lauren and Evan what verses they would like, they had no ideas. I teased them that if they didn't choose verses, then one of them would get John 11:35 "Jesus wept." Evan asked what Grandpa’s favorite verse had been. Lauren asked what Grandma’s favorite verse was. They wanted those verses. I didn’t know the answers so asked my mom. She thought Grandpa’s was John 14:6 “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father but through Me.” My dad had this verse hung up in his work shop. Mother told me that her favorite verse was Isaiah 12:2 “Surely God is my salvation. I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord is my strength and my song. He has become my salvation."
It wasn’t much longer until my mom was in the nursing home and then the hospital. When we went down to see her the weekend she was diagnosed with cancer, I took my bible with me. On that Saturday while I was visiting her, I told her that I had brought my bible along and was writing down my kids' confirmation verses to give to Jo. Even though the jeweler was retired, he had told Jo that he would still do the engraving for the plaques. I read Danielle’s verse to Mother. She liked it. As I found Evan’s verse, which was Grandpa’s favorite, I told my mom that I noticed the verse was in the same chapter as the verse that Daddy’s funeral sermon had been based on…."In my Father’s house are many mansions…" After I said that, she told me that she wanted her funeral sermon to be based on her favorite verse, the one Lauren had chosen for her confirmation verse. I was surprised as she had not mentioned to me that she thought or knew she was dying. I forced myself to keep the tears inside, and simply told her, "OK." Even then, I had no idea just how soon her funeral would be.
The first time that Pastor Wolff visited Mother in hospice, he read Psalm 23 to my mom before he left. My mom was drifting in and out of sleep at that point, but I just broke down in tears hearing that old familiar Psalm. Not so many weeks before, one of the pastors at my current church had done a sermon based on that Psalm. I had found that sermon to be very interesting and it all came rushing back to me now. The part of Pastor Tim’s sermon that I had most been fascinated by was the meaning of “He prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemies.” He said that shepherds would go ahead of their flocks up to the tablelands to be sure there were no predators that would harm the sheep when they arrived. He said that just like the shepherds, God was always a step or two ahead of us, preparing the way, making it safe for us. While I had always loved the beauty of the 23rd Psalm, I had never thought too much about those specific words before. Now, the meaning of them brought me great comfort. In the days to come, I told Mother that those words meant God was already a step ahead of her. God’s timing had been perfect in other things in her life and she agreed that was true. I told her that God had a plan for her. He was ahead of her and and was already in the place where He was leading her.
When Pastor Wolff left my mom’s room that day after he read Psalm 23, I followed him in to the hall and talked with him. I told him that Mother had told me what verse she wanted her funeral sermon to be based on when the time came. He told me that he already knew that was her favorite verse and that he would make sure that when the time came, the verse would be used for her funeral. The next time that he came to visit Mother in hospice, he read that verse (Isaiah 12:2) to her and talked about it's meaning. I repeated the verse to her many times over the next days. When she seemed agitated I would tell her, “Surely God is my salvation. I will trust and not be afraid.” I was telling myself the same thing. I knew we were losing Mother and it scared me to think of life without her. But if I expected her to trust and not be afraid, then I better as well. In her final hour, I repeated the verse to her several times. And while I was sad and heartbroken when she died, I was also at peace. I trusted that God knew what he was doing. He was one step ahead of her. The way was safe. There were no predators. The Lord was her shepherd, her strength and her salvation. He had led her Home. There was no reason for me to be afraid. There was no reason to despair. He had a plan for me as well and was already a step ahead of me. But I also knew it was alright for me to be sad and to mourn. After all, even Jesus wept.
Danielle will be confirmed next October. Not too long ago, she asked me what would happen with her confirmation plaque, since Grandma was no longer with us. I told her that she would receive it on her confirmation day. It warmed my heart to know that she was thinking about it. I know she will treasure it. I also know that as each of my kids are confirmed and receive their plaques, I will feel a little tug in my heart since Grandpa and Grandma won't be there. But I also know I will feel a little hug from Heaven as I remember that Grandpa and Grandma thought ahead and made sure that they would in fact be a part of all of their grandkids confirmation days. I guess they were a step ahead of me too.
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