At the end of last year, I decided that I wouldn't make a New Year's resolution. Instead, I would choose a word to focus on for 2012. I had read of others who had done this and it seemed like a fun idea to me. The word that first popped into my head was "Blessings". I actually tried to talk myself out of that word, but decided there must be a reason why it popped into my head in the first place, so I went with it. My thought was that I would focus on all the blessings I have in my life and also on trying to be a blessing to others. I encouraged Eric to choose a word as well. After some thought, he chose the word "Joyful". Eric is truly one of the most mellow guys I know. While he is outgoing and friendly, I thought choosing the word joyful was going to be a challenge for him. Honestly I kind of expected a word like "Golf".
In the first days and weeks of 2012, we'd call each other "Blessing" and "Joyful" when we'd notice the other NOT being a blessing or joyful. It was just a funny little reminder to focus on the word.
Before the first week of the new year was over, I learned that a former acquaintance and his wife had lost their 13 year old daughter to a brain tumor. In mid January, I learned that my sister, Jo, had breast cancer and would be having a mastectomy. The last day of January, I narrowly missed witnessing as accident where a pedestrian was struck and killed by a car driven by a drunk driver. The woman killed had lost her husband only a few months earlier and left behind two children, one special needs. Why on earth had I chosen the word blessings? I should have chosen a word like tragedy or unfair.
I began reading the blog of the family who lost their daughter. It was obvious how truly loved and loving she was. The many people who have been there for the family during her illness and since her death have definitely been a blessing to them. It was a blessing that Jo's breast cancer was in the earliest stages. After the mastectomy and reconstruction, she didn't need any radiation or chemo. And she told me that after a couple of her appointments after diagnosis, on her drive home there were beautiful pink sunsets. We had come to think of pink sunsets as a gift from God telling us Mother was ok. Now Jo saw it as a sign that she'd be ok too. The family of the pedestrian killed issued a statement forgiving the drunk driver. What an incredible blessing that was.
As I think back to my parents last years, there were a lot of struggles for both of them. My dad needed help with his most basic needs: dressing, eating, using the bathroom. At first he refused to let anyone but my mom help him. Finally he agreed to home health aides coming to help. Eventually he relented and let us kids help him as well. While the thought of helping him use the bathroom made me very uncomfortable at first, I quickly got over it. Now when I look back I realize that helping him with his basic needs actually helped him and I to grow closer. My brother, Mike had decided to farm on the family farm in the year before my dad died. He later commented that he was glad he had made that decision as it put him at the farm every evening to help get my dad into bed, which helped them grow closer as well. More blessings!
In February of 2011, I got a call that Mother had been taken by ambulance to LaCrosse. Jo and a home health nurse had been unable to wake her from a nap. When they checked her blood sugar, it was dangerously low. Thankfully she was ok and came home from the hospital the same day. None of us felt comfortable leaving her in the house alone, so I spent a week at the farm with her. I was happy to do it at the time, but in the months to come, I actually found that episode to be a blessing. I wouldn't have had that week with her otherwise. I'm not sure how much of a blessing she found it to be however. I was paranoid of her blood sugar dropping again, so I wole her several times each night and checked her blood sugar every few hours. She's lucky she had any blood left when I went home!
Even though we ended up losing my mom last summer, we were blessed with a wonderful and caring hospice staff. They were so wonderful to Mother and our whole family. My mom was blessed to have her family all be able to make it to see her. I feel so blessed to have spent the last 5 days of her life with her and to be there with her when she took her final breath.
I know there are many situations where it is hard to find a blessing. With Memorial Day approaching I am specifically thinking of two families near where I grew up whose lives were forever changed two years ago on Memorial Weekend. While my parents had lived long lives when they died, these families had to say good bye to loved ones who were far from old.
On Friday evening, May 28, 2010, a 15 year old boy, Shane was driving an atv home from a neighbor's where he helped with farm chores. While noone knows exactly what happened, he had an accident on the way home and was killed.
The next morning, a young father, Jeremy was driving with his 3 year old daughter, Isabel and 11 month old son, Liam. A truck was driving the opposite direction on the same road. That truck was pulling a trailer which came unhitched and hit Jeremy's vehicle. Jeremy and Isabel were killed.
How horrible and tragic both of these accidents were. Where are the blessings here? While I know we will never know the full answer to that question, this side of Heaven, there are some blessings that happened.
Jeremy had both of his children in the vehicle with him. While he and Isabel went to Heaven that day, Liam was not injured in the accident. What a blessing (miracle) that was. Jeremy's wife, Kristie, wrote about life after losing them, as well as what life had been like with them before the accident. She has as awesome faith that is so apparent in her writings. While she may say that all the people who reached out to her after the accident were blessings to her, I am willing to bet that anyone who has read her writings will agree that she has been a blessing and inspiration to them. I know that even though I have never met her, I count her as a blessing in my life.
As for finding a blessing in Shane's death, his grandma and I have been "talking" on facebook. Shane was related to me through my dad. I never had the priviledge of knowing Shane, but I am impressed by what his grandma told me. He had recently gotten his driver's permit and had signed up to be a donor. His family recently learned that he blessed dozens and dozens of people by signing up to be a donor. While it won't bring him back, it should make his family very proud. And I am sure that each of the families he touched considers him to be an incredible blessing.
I know that many times in my life the greatest blessings have been others being there for me, the people who lift me up when I'm feeling low. Even the smile of a stranger has been a blessing at times. I try to remind myself to be the blessing to others. It's easy when you meet friendly people, but sometimes I think it's the unfriendly ones that need me to be a blessing the most. Who knows what is going on in there life? Maybe they have lost someone. Maybe there have just been diagnosed with cancer. Maybe they just need a smile. Maybe they just need someone to be a blessing to them.
What I am learning is that when I'm not feeling blessed, it probably means it's my turn to be a blessing to someone else. It's a funny thing. When you are a blessing to others, you suddenly feel blessed as well. And maybe even joyful.
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