I apologize in advance to any PETA members who might be reading this. Although my dad's official occupation was farmer, I think of him more as a trapper and outdoorsman. He loved to get out in the woods and trap fox and coyote. He would also trap muskrat and mink down by the creek (or crick as he called it). When I first brought Eric to the farm to meet my parents, he would walk my dad's trap line with him. I think the two of them learned a lot about each other on those walks. Eric says my dad was a hillbilly. He means it as a compliment and insists my dad would think of it as one. If you knew my dad, you know Eric is right. We have pictures of hundreds of fox that my dad trapped in his younger years. Selling the hides supplemented the farm income and helped keep all of us kids fed and clothed. I can still remember opening the chest freezer and finding animal hides in it. That is not a pleasant memory. When Daddy could no longer walk the trap lines, he loved to go for car rides down into the valley in the evening to look for deer out in the fields. Eric was always happy to drive him when we were down visiting. My dad's health had been failing for quite a while. In the summer of 2008, he was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. His long time doctor estimated he had 3-6 months to live, but told my sister that "Mr. Betz has surprised me before." For the record, he made it about 8 months. After Christmas of 2008, Daddy was no longer able to walk, even with a walker.
About three weeks before his death, we drove down on a Friday evening. When we got off of I-90 by Houston, we started seeing deer in the fields. This wasn't unusual and we started counting how many we saw. (We always did this and then would tell my dad the count when we got to the farm.) But this night, every field was full of deer. It was like nothing we'd ever seen before. We literally couldn't count all the deer we saw and estimated it to be over 200. I remember that even though I was in awe, I told Eric, "I don't like this." When he asked what I meant, I told him I was afraid my dad wouldn't be alive when we got to the farm. It is hard to explain the feeling I had. It was almost like I felt this is was my dad's view of Heaven...hundreds of deer grazing in the farm fields.
When we made it to the farm, I was told that Daddy was already in bed for the night. We stood in the kitchen and talked with Mother. All of a sudden, Lauren told me that Grandpa was up. I asked her what she meant, since from where we were standing, there was no way that she could possibly see his side of the bed. Then she pointed and said, "He's right there." As I walked toward my parents' bedroom, sure enough, he was sitting on the foot of the bed, on my mom's side. I still don't know how he managed to get himself there. About a week later, I got an e-mail from my sister, Linda, telling of an even more amazing story. She had helped him into bed for a nap one afternoon and gone outside to do some work. My mom sat in the kitchen reading. When my sister came back in to get my dad up, he wasn't in the bed. She found him sitting in the living room chair, with his walker next to him. My mom never heard him. Some how, this man who could no longer walk, even with help, had managed to get out of bed, get to his walker that was well out of reach, and walk to the living room. From stories I read months later, I learned that this actually is not uncommon in the last weeks of a person's life. My mom also told us that 2 days before he died, Daddy was sitting in his chair in the kitchen. He wheeled himself over to the kitchen window by the sink, and pulled himself up to standing and looked out at the farm one last time. That was the last day he would get out of bed.
Within a week of my dad's death, I saw a red fox near our house in Maple Grove. Our lot actually backs up to a wooded area so I wasn't too surprised. We'd seen fox a few times in the 5 years we'd lived here. But during the summer of 2009, I started seeing that red fox all the time. I go for early morning walks, and I saw that fox countless times. There were times when it would just sit and watch me walk by. It never seemed afraid of me. Other times, I wouldn't see the fox, but could smell it's unmistakeable scent. I'm sure some might think I'm crazy, but I just knew it was a sign from God. It always seemed that on the mornings that I felt the lowest and missed my dad the most, the fox was there. This kept happening for about 6 months. One of the last times I saw it that year, I was in our dining room and something happened (which I won't divulge here) and I said out loud, "If this is what I have to look forward to in the future, God help me." I swear that those words were no more than out of my mouth and Danielle yelled from the other room, "Mom, the fox is out back!"
Occasionally I would still see a fox and it always seemed to be at a significant time. In the summer of 2010, Danielle was going on her first mission trip with church. She was 13 and I was still getting the hang of being the mom of a teenager. She made a comment on the morning she was leaving about how getting away from us was one reason for going on the trip. I probably provoked the comment, but at any rate, I was feeling bad after we dropped her off. As we drove home, suddenly there was a small (as in probably teenage) fox running down the side of the road in front of our car. It was the strangest thing and it just hit me that she was fine and we were fine.
On my morning walk one day near the end of May in 2011, I saw a red fox again. It was the first time in a long time that I saw one. I remember e-mailing Jo as soon as I got back from that walk, because it was on that day that Jo and Char were taking my mom to a new doctor in LaCrosse for her back pain. We had done some research and thought this doctor might have the answer to her problem. I was sure seeing the fox that morning was a sign from God that she'd be alright. By the next day, I was even more convinced this was the case. The doctor my mom saw was fantastic. He thought he found the problem and gave my mom a "cocktail injection" in her hip. My sisters and my mom raved over how kind this doctor was and how he went above and beyond his job to help. By the next day, my mom's pain was gone. She was feeling great again. I saw her over Memorial Weekend and couldn't believe the difference. She was talking about the things she was going to do when she got home again, including visiting us in the Twin Cities. I do specifically remember her saying that even if it didn't last, she was so thankful for every day she had without pain.
I still think I was right that the fox I saw that morning was a sign from God. But what I'd forgotten was that God never promised that life would be easy. What he promised is that He would always be with us. He knew we'd need to lean on Him more than ever in the weeks to come.
Mother's pain free days lasted about 2 weeks, and then returned, worse than ever. Within days we would learn that she had renal cancer that had spread to her bones and that the outlook was grim. When my mom was in hospice, a doctor I'd never met before came to visit. It was the doctor who had given her the injection that gave her those two weeks of relief. He had heard that she was in hospice and came to apologize for not having made the correct diagnosis. We hugged him and thanked him for the two wonderful weeks he'd given her. I will never forget that before he left her room, he kissed his own fingers and gently placed them on my mom's forehead.
God was so obviously present with us in hospice. I'm sure I'll write more about it in the coming days.
Most of you know that my sister, Jo, was diagnosed with breast cancer in January and had a mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. She is doing great! One morning, before her surgery I came downstairs to make coffee. Something outside caught my eye. As I looked closer, there was a fox in our old sandbox. God was reminding me once again that He is always with us.
This morning when I was almost home from my walk, I noticed movement in the tall grass. As I stopped and looked closer, there was a fox watching me as well. But this one was different than the others I've seen. When I got home, I looked it up on the internet, and I believe it was a gray fox rather than the red fox I have seen before. If my dad was still alive, I know he could tell me for sure.
I know some question whether or not God sends us signs. I've questioned it myself. But when it happens to you, you just know. And I've talked to many people who have had similar experiences. What I truly believe is that God is everywhere at all times. He is constantly sending us signs. We just have to open ourselves up to seeing Him. And it is often when we are at our weakest and most desperate that we finally are willing to truly see what He is showing us. In case you are wondering, I don't think that the fox is a reincarnation of my dad. What I think it that God knows us better than anyone and sends "signs" taylored to each of us. Open your eyes and see what He is showing you.
I will leave you with a quote I recently found that I just love:
"Coincidence is God choosing to remain anonymous."
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