A Glimpse of the Cross

Holy Trinity Catholic Church
I was only able to see
the red "cap" and cross
from the hospital room.

On the morning on June 14, 2011, I drove down to LaCrosse intending to spend 2 days with Mother in the hospital and then head home for a busy weekend. Eric would be playing an annual golf tournament with his dad in Rochester and Dani was to be leaving on a church mission trip on the 19th. When I last saw my mom the 11th, she was doing ok. We knew she had bone cancer, but she had asked not to know the prognosis. I had asked the doctor privately and he had told me "weeks rather than months". I'd been shocked by the thought that she only had weeks left, but still was confident that we had that much time. And yet I vividly recall that as I drove into the hospital parking lot that Tuesday, a thought went through my mind and I wondered if Mother would still be alive when I got back into the van to drive home again. (I ended up staying longer than initially planned, and Mother was no longer alive when I drove home again.)

When I got to her hospital room (she'd been moved to a different room since I last saw her) I immediately saw a big change in her. She was not nearly as alert and no longer wanted any food or drink. Jo went home for a much needed rest and I settled in a bit. I met privately with the doctor again for an update. He now told me his feeling was that she had "days rather than weeks" to live. I was devastated. I spent a lot of time on the phone with Eric and my siblings. Jo never got her much needed rest. She was back at the hospital in a short time. It would be the first of several nights I would spend at the hospital.

I remember the next morning when I woke up (if I really slept at all). I pulled open the curtains in the room to let a little light in. I looked out at the bluffs and was in awe of their beauty. And then I saw it. Above the trees, there hovered a cross. I knew it was attached to a church steeple some where in the city, but from where I stood, it looked like it was just hovering over the trees. It felt like God had placed it there for me to see and it reminded me that He was always with us, even in our darkest hour. While I was devastated at the impending loss of my mom, I also felt peace knowing that when she left us, she would be in Heaven with Jesus, thanks to the cross.

I went to the window to view that cross several times as we "walked the valley of the shadow of death" with Mother over the next few days. It was a beautiful and comforting sight. It was months later when I learned through  a wonderful nurse practioner (who happens to be from Caledonia) at Gundersen Lutheran that the cross is atop Holy Trinity Catholic Church in LaCrosse.

As I continue to travel down this road called Grief, I pass through memories of smiles and laughter, as well as endless miles of tears. But always, I remember the cross I saw from that window and the peace it brought me. And I am reminded that it is a peace that only the cross can bring.