Monday, May 7, 2012

Ordinary People Make Extraordinary Friends

There are some people who make lasting impressions on us without ever trying to. To the casual observer, they are just ordinary people. But to those whose lives they touch, they are much more than that. They are signs of what is right in the world. They are also a reminder that every stranger we meet has the potential to become a life long friend.

My parents met some wonderful people in their lifetime. There are two who stand out in my mind that made lasting impressions. I am sure there are more, but these are two that I heard about for years, but didn't meet until the deaths of my parents.

The first is a man named Curt. He lives in Waseca and showed up at the farm one day years ago, wanting to know if he could hunt on some of my dad's land. My dad loved hunting in his younger years, so I imagine that shared love of hunting made for an immediate friendship between Curt and Daddy. Curt had brought some of his kids along to hunt with him. My mom and Curt's daughter, Jenni, really hit it off. It seemed that every time I was at the farm, I'd hear about how Curt had been down hunting and had stopped to visit. I always heard what a nice man he was and how he had the nicest family. I heard about Jenni and that her baby had some health issues, but was going to be ok. There were always stories of Curt bearing gifts when he came to hunt. For all the years I heard about Curt, I never had met him.

On the morning of my dad's funeral, at the visitation, I suddenly saw a man I'd never seen before, kneeling on the floor in front of my mom's wheelchair talking to her. I wasn't standing close enough to hear the conversation, but later Mother told me that the man asked her if she knew who he was and she said no (although she knew the voice sounded familiar). Then the man told her that she probably didn't recognize him since he was dressed up rather than in the hunting clothes she was used to seeing him wear. That was when my mom realized it was Curt. She was so touched that he came to my dad's funeral. The only contact they'd ever had was the couple times a year when Curt would stop into the farm house and visit when down hunting and yet here he was at my dad's funeral. We were all very touched and several of us sent him thank you's. I wondered later what his wife must have thought about him getting all those thank you's from us.  I exchanged some e-mails with Curt and we became friends on facebook. I remember him telling me once that even when my dad was getting to the end of his life and couldn't communicate very well, he still had a twinkle his eye. Yup, Curt knew my dad pretty well!

I let Curt know when my mom passed away last year. He sent his condolences and told me he was scheduled to work the day of her funeral. I understood, but wished he could be there. Just before her funeral was to start, in walked Curt. We were all as touched that day as my mom had been 2 years earlier when he came to my dad's funeral. And this time Curt brought his wife, Deb along. She had never met our family before. Maybe she wanted to see who all these crazy women were that sent her husband all those thank you's a couple years earlier! Deb is a sweetheart as well. I know my parents would have loved her too. Once again, Curt (and Deb) brought a gift. It was a flowering crab tree to plant on the farm in honor of my parents. He wrote a very touching note about how when the tree bloomed each spring we would be reminded of Mother and Daddy's vibrant lives. The tree is now planted in the front yard at the farm. My sister, Linda, said that the tree bloomed in a beautiful pink this spring. Pink was Mother's favorite color, and those blossomes made Linda think of her every time she looked at the tree. She said she knew that Mother and Daddy were looking down from Heaven and smiling. The tree has a very special story to go with it, just like the oak tree that once stood in that same front yard.

Last week, I sent Curt a note asking if he would mind if I wrote about him in my blog. I asked him how he ever ended up going to my parents farm and meeting them. His answer made me chuckle and think of my mom. It was a long, detailed answer about how he started hunting near Caledonia years ago and how they hunted on other people's property. Eventually, land changed hands and one thing led to another and they found that my dad owned land near where they had previously hunted. So they stopped to ask if they could hunt his land. The whole story, complete with names of whose property they used to hunt on and how it all came to be, completely made me think of my mom's stories. I blogged last week about how she'd start a story with you know "so and so" and if I said no then she'd go on and on until finally I'd recognize the name of someone's brother's uncle's cousin's grandfather. No wonder my mom loved Curt...he spoke her language and could follow her stories! In our occasional e-mails, Curt and I have agreed that we had similar upbringings and that is probably why there was a connection when he met my parents. He told me that my parents were two of the most genuine, caring people that he ever had the privilege of knowing and that they treated him like family. Curt, I can honestly tell you that my parents thought just as highly of you and your family.

There was another person I heard about from my mom over the years. This friendship boggled my mind even more than the one my parents had with Curt.

When my mom and dad would go shopping in LaCrosse or have doctors appointments there, they liked to stop at Wendy's and grab a bite to eat. For years I heard about "Bev from Wendy's". She apparently was the manager there and from what my mom said, she was "such a nice lady". I couldn't figure out how you go into a fast food restaurant once every few months and come out knowing the manager and exchanging Christmas cards with her.

I had never met Bev. When my mom was in hospice, my sister Jo told me that she had called Bev to let her know about my mom's health. Even then I thought it was kind of weird, but Jo knew Bev so who was I to question it? Jo said that Bev was devastated to hear about Mother, and wanted to visit her, but was going to be out of town that weekend. She told Jo that she would call after the weekend and stop by. My mom passed away before the weekend was over. Bev asked if it would be ok for her to come to my mom's visitation. Of course, Jo told her yes. Finally I was going to meet this woman who had made such an impression on Mother. The minute I met her, I knew why my mom loved her. She was sweet and kind and loved to visit. She is the type of person you are just drawn to. She is down to earth and loving and has a strong faith. She was in tears over my mom's death. It was obvious that not only did my mom love Bev, but Bev loved my mom as well.

She told us that what really made an impression on her about Mother and Daddy was when they came into Wendy's and ordered food, they'd always sit in their booth and say a quiet prayer before eating. Bev talked about what a sweet couple my parents were and how they'd always sit at the same table just inside the door because it was hard for them to get around. I remember my mom saying how if it had been a while since they'd been into Wendy's, Bev would greet them when they came through the door and say she'd been worried about them because she hadn't seen them in so long. At other times, she insisted on buying their meal for them.

Not long after my mom's death, we learned that Bev had put a little sign up at my parents usual table at Wendy's in honor of them. I know how touched Mother and Daddy would be and I can just hear my mom saying,  "We weren't that special to deserve something like that."


Never underestimate how big of an impression the smallest of your actions can have on another person.

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