Anyone who knew my mom, knew she liked to visit. When I was little, she and the neighbor ladies would have monthly "coffee parties" at each others houses. The ladies would visit, while the kids played. I remember being so shy that I would usually sit on Mother's lap until about 30 minutes before it was time to leave. Then I'd be disappointed that I didn't have enough time to play. My dad also served on the "Town Board" for Caledonia township for several years. During the summer months, those meetings rotated between different members homes. It was always fun when the coffee parties or town board meetings were at our house, because my mom would have even more yummy treats around the house than usual. I especially remember the town board meetings. The men would sit at the kitchen table talking business and enjoying a beer or two. The women would gather in the living room and enjoy a bottle of Spring Grove Pop. When the business was done, they all had "lunch" which was usually sandwiches and dessert. My mom liked both the coffee parties and the town board meetings as it gave her a chance to socialize with other women.
Mother seemed to know everyone in and around Caledonia. Sure, it was a small town where it seemed everyone knew everyone else, but my mom never forgot a name or a face or how people were related to each other. As an adult, when I'd go back to the farm, she'd always have a story to tell. It usually would start with, "You know ________." Not having lived in the area for many years, I usually didn't know the person she was talking about. When I said that, she would go on to tell me how they were related to someone else that I also didn't know. I learned that this would go on until I finally knew someone's sister's husband's grandpa's niece. So, I admit that I got to the point when she started the conversation with, "You know________", I would just say yes, so that we could just get to the story!
When Mother went to the nursing home, her knowledge of how everyone was related and her love to visit served her well. Since the nursing home was in Caledonia, most of the workers there were also from Caledonia. She would ask the young workers who their parents were, and usually had a story to share about their grandparents or some other relative. The workers all seemed to love my mom. Sadly, in the nursing home, many of the patients aren't able to communicate very well. My mom loved to talk and got to know all about the workers. There were actually two workers there who were each getting married. Mother had my sister Jo go to the farm and bring some brand new dish towels that she had stashed away so that she could give them to these ladies as gifts. It was so like her to want to give a little something to someone "just starting out".
At first, Mother had a room to herself at the nursing home. After a few days, she gained a roommate, Millie. In her younger years, Millie had been the secretary to the bank president in Caledonia. I think that intimidated my mom a little. In Caledonia, Millie's position was about the highest ranking position any woman had back in those days. As it turned out, Millie and Mother loved each other's company. They both were talkers. Both were widows. And both were determined to go home again. Both had a strong faith. Millie was very sweet and worried about my mom when she was in such awful pain. One night when I stayed overnight with my mom, I could hear Millie praying when she went to bed. I also overheard her talking to her husband and telling him how much she missed him. I guess it shows that no matter how different we may think we are: what jobs we hold, what clothes we wear...we all have more similarities than differences.
Interestingly, the nursing home is in the old Caledonia Hospital. The room my mom had, looked out at where her childhood house once stood. Now it is a pasture with a couple horses in it. My mom loved to watch the horses out of her window. I imagine that as she looked out that window she was remembering many of her childhood days.
When my mom was admitted to the hospital in LaCrosse, she quickly struck up conversations with two of the nurses, Cheryl and Colleen. They were her favorite nurses. When I met each of them, I knew why. They were so caring and liked to visit too. I think Mother confided in them a lot. Even on days that they were working, but weren't in charge of my mom, they would stop in to see how she was doing. Both stopped in to say good-bye to my mom when the end was near. They offered hugs to us and told us that Mother had told them how much she loved us.
The pastor who handled my mom's funeral even commented on how much my mom loved to visit. I was there when he visited her in hospice. At that point, my mom wasn't able to talk a lot. Pastor Wolff teased Mother a little bit that he finally was able to get more than a few words in when talking to her. He told us how when he made home visits to her, he always scheduled at hour with her. With others he only scheduled 1/2 hour, but with how much Mother loved to talk, he needed an hour with her. He said that when he moved to Caledonia to be a pastor there, talking with my mom helped him learn how church members were related to each other. He mentioned these things during her funeral and many people commented about how it was obvious that he really knew her well. The last time Pastor Wolff visited my mom in hospice, he was going to be leaving town for the weekend. He knew that she likely would not be there when he got back. I will always remember him patting her hand and saying, "Good-bye old friend." Days later when we were planning her funeral, I told Pastor Wolff how touched I was by that statement. His response was simply, "That's how I thought of her."
I think at times we all wonder how people will remember us when we are gone. I can't think of a better way to be remembered than as an old friend.
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