A Twinkle in His Eye

I've recently started attending a Wednesday morning bible study at our church. It's a small group of people who meet with one of the pastors each week to discuss the bible verses which will be used in the coming weekend's services. This week one of the readings was Jeremiah 1:4-10. It is about Jeremiah being called by God to be a prophet when he was just a young boy. Jeremiah doubts that he can do what God wants him to do. But God basically tells him that He has known Jeremiah before he was even born and will provide him what he needs to do the job.

When I read this, I thought of myself recently being asked to be on the church council. When I initially received the call about it, I wondered why they were asking me. Yes, I go to church and worship there. I love our church and the people there. But I know nothing about "running" a church. I wondered aloud if others had already said "no" to being on council and if perhaps I was a 2nd, 3rd, 12th or 274th choice. I was assured that my name was brought up and well received by the nominating committee and that I was in fact first on the list to be asked. My next question was about who was on the nominating committee. I did know several of the people, but I still didn't understand why they thought I'd be a good fit for council. I met with one of our pastors and asked if he thought I would be an asset to the council. And I told him to be brutally honest in his answer. He said that yes, he thought I would. But he did remind me that I'd told him previously that I prefer to "stay in the background". Then he also said that maybe it would be an opportunity for growth for me and maybe I'd discover it was something I was good at and liked. Quite a lot for me to think and pray about. I did both. It is very true that I like to stay in the background. I know much of it is self doubt on my part. But I felt God tell me to take a chance and that He'd get me through it. So I said, "Yes". Then I was asked to be the council secretary this year. Yikes! This meant I'd have to pay attention in meetings and take notes and write up minutes. (Not that I didn't plan to do the first two of those three, but it was the third one that scared me.) I have been a stay at home mom for the last 15 years. I can make up a pretty good grocery list, but meeting minutes I wasn't so sure about. I kept hearing my high school shorthand teacher's favorite saying over and over: "A good secretary always carries two pens." For the record, I haven't used shorthand since high school and I wasn't even very proficient at it back then. But surely, if God was going to get me through being on council, He could probably get me through being secretary too. So I said, "Yes."

Now back to the reading from Jeremiah. Something in it really struck me: "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." Wow! God knew me before I was born, before I was even conceived. And He had plans for me then. It made me think of when Mother used to say, "That was back when you were just a twinkle in Daddy's eye." Even though all she meant by that was that something had happened long before I was even born, to me it always meant more. Hearing that I used to be a twinkle in Daddy's eye made me think I'd been thought about and wanted before I was born. As I grew up and got married and we struggled to have children, I knew how much that "twinkle" held. It held the hope of having a baby. It held the dreams of raising a child and teaching it and watching it grow. Now, years later, as a mom of three I know that "twinkle"holds even more. It holds the amazement of seeing your baby for the first time, the joy of seeing your child smile, laugh, walk and say "I love you". The "twinkle" also holds tears for the things you can't fix for your child. It holds the heartbreak of seeing your child struggle with something, perceived imperfections they see in themselves. But mostly, in fact always, that twinkle holds love. Pure and simple love.

God knew me and all my strengths and all my imperfections before I was born or even conceived (or in other words, back when I was just a twinkle in His eye.) And He loved me. He knew the joys I'd have and the struggles I'd face. And He loved me. He knew about every scraped knee I'd ever have. He knew that when I loved it would be with my whole heart. He knew the self doubts and anxieties I'd struggle with in my life. And He loved me. This amazing God had a plan for me before I was "me". He's watched me on my path of life, straying off now and then from His planned route for me. And He loves me. He continues to walk beside me every step of the way and He will continue to love me. Pure and simple love.

I always felt special when I was told I used to be just a twinkle in Daddy's eye. Imagine what abundant joy I feel in hearing that I was also a twinkle in God's eye!