Before meeting Eric, I'd taken one or two other boys home to meet my parents. They weren't serious boyfriends, but I learned quickly that my parents viewed them as such. Once I figured that out, I told Mother and Daddy that I wouldn't be bringing boyfriends home any more unless I intended to marry them. I don't remember exactly how long Eric and I dated before I took him home. We were serious, but remembering what I'd told my parents about bringing another boyfriend home, I decided to have a little fun with them. When Eric and I got to the farm, I introduced Eric as "Stef's boyfriend". Stef was my roommate at the time. My parents met her when Stef and I were in college together. Stef was much taller than me...and several inches taller than Eric. Mother and Daddy knew right away that Eric was in fact my boyfriend. I'm sure they also suspected that a wedding wouldn't be far off.
They loved Eric from the day they met him. I've always admired Eric for being able to talk to anyone about anything. He showed an interest in hearing about farming and trapping from Daddy. And he loved to eat, so that won Mother's heart! I do remember telling Eric not to talk religion or politics with Daddy though!
Over the years, Eric was always willing to help out with things around the farm. And as Mother and Daddy got older, he would help them in any way he could. I know they appreciated it greatly. Mother said on more than one occasion that they considered him "more son than in-law". I think they felt that way about all their sons and daughters in law. Mother and Daddy liked Eric so much that I often teased him (and them) that they loved him more than they loved me. It became a bit of an ongoing joke between Eric and I.
Even when Mother was in hospice, I teased Eric that she loved him more. Every summer, on Father's Day weekend, Eric would golf in a tournament in Rochester with his dad. Mother ended up in hospice just a day before the start of that tournament. Eric's mom generously offered to watch our kids while Eric golfed and I spent time with my mom. At that point, I didn't want Lauren and Evan to see Grandma as I knew it would have been hard on them. They'd seen her a week before when she was still in good spirits and I wanted then to remember her like that. And as I was losing my own mom, I knew it was important for Eric to spend time with his dad. Surely their years of playing that annual tournament were numbered.
The doctor had given us his opinion that Mother had "days rather than weeks" to live. When I told Eric to go ahead and play the tournament, I said that if Mother died before it was finished, that I would need him to drop out of the tournament and be there for me. I teased Eric that we'd find out once and for all who Mother loved more...him or me. I told him that if she lived through the golf tournament, it would be obvious that she loved him more, since she knew how much he loved golfing.
Eric had plans to travel to New Jersey for work the week following Father's Day. When our kids were little, I hated it when he had to travel. As our kids got older, it didn't bother me as much, but I still liked it better when he was home.
Eric and Danielle came to the hospital on Thursday night to see me and to visit my mom for what they knew would be the last time. On Father's Day, Danielle was to leave on a mission trip for church. We knew that Grandma would want her to go and we'd already made plans with the trip leaders to retrieve Dani if my mom died during the week they were gone.
Eric's golf tournament ended Saturday night. Mother was still hanging on. Dani left Sunday morning on her mission trip, just as Grandma would have wanted. Late that same afternoon, Mother went home to Heaven.
When I saw Eric, I joked with him that Mother must have loved him more than me, since she held on until after his golf tournament ended. It then occurred to me that by dying when she did, her funeral would be held during the time that Eric was to be in New Jersey. His trip had to be cancelled. Mother knew how much I used to hate when Eric was out of town on business. She had seen to it that he wouldn't have to go on that trip after all. Maybe she really did love me just as much as she loved him!
One thing I have learned is that it is ok, and even therapeutic, to keep a sense of humor during life's most difficult moments.
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